Naked Crapping
Oct 21, 2008 Manager Mom asks:
How do I convince my five year old son that taking a crap does NOT require the removal of all of his clothing, including socks? Bonus points for helping me get him to spritz some post-poop Glade Air Freshener spray.
Mr Lady:
All the best bodily functions happen in the buff. Just sayin'.
Does he attend public school? Yeah, that'll take care of it for you. That, or he'll learn the joy that is the Home Poop Advantage. Either way, let it roll, baby.
Just to make you feel better: My husband poops naked, too. My daughter, in order to poop, has to have me sitting on the floor right in front of the potty, yes, downwind, and I have to completely cover her eyes with my hand. My eight year old still has to pull his pants all the way down to his ankles to pee. Even at urinals. My ten year old uses a half roll of toilet paper to wipe, every time.
People are freaks. Poop hilarious. Need proof? Keep reading.....
BusyDad:
I take this blog dead serious. I recognize the great responsibility that I bear as a giver of advice. Advice that may impact relationships between spouses, philosophies toward discipline, bonding between parent and child. So I pooped naked. And it was good.
See, to understand the how, it is often useful to delve into the why. So what exactly is the appeal of pooping naked vs fully clothed? Freedom. Feeling unfettered. A complete shedding of the weight of the world, from the outside to the inside. That child has achieved Zen. And really, when you don't have to worry about your shirttail, you know, getting caught up in the cleanup, the entire pooping process is much more enjoyable.
My advice is this: let Jr. do his Dalai Lama thing. He won't be doing it forever. It's just too much of a hassle to re-tie your necktie every time you go #2. He'll become more practical as time goes by. Not to worry. And remember, Seinfeld is fictional if you happen to be thinking of that episode.
I'd like to offer you a little perspective as well (nothing like a good "well at least he doesn't do THAT" to make your problems seem smaller). My kid pees sitting down. He'll stand when necessary, like in a urinal and such, but when given the choice, he'll always pee sitting down. One would also think that this is something kids outgrow, but it's not so. My ex girlfriend had a boyfriend who still peed sitting down. And he was close to 30 years old. Feel better?
As for the spray, I find it hard to believe that a 5 year old boy would not shoot another hole in the ozone, given the opportunity. Isn't that what they live for? Candy, Legos, Ben 10 and anything that shoots out of anything else? In that order. Put the can in his hand and say "have at it, son." There's NO WAY he won't freshen your entire house in under 3 minutes. I'm willing to bet money on that.
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Reader Comments (19)
I just wish my kid could wipe his own butt. Or maybe poo at daycare. Nope. He's a saver and will only poo at home. Lucky me. And I actually have to hide the air freshener from him because he'll spray the whole damn bottle and I'll walk into a cloud of air freshener.
I hope you got an ok from Fury to divulge such information....
dWife, I think I might be in a little more trouble than BusyDad on this one. Let's just make sure that Fury and The Donor don't ever read this blog, okay?
I am at a lost for words. But I will say...
BWAHAHA*cough*HAHAHA
The things that are done in the name of blogging....
Hey - just don't let your child get too attached to one particular toilet. My brother, 27, still prefers to poop at my house because it's the one he grew up on. Oh yeah, and takes his shirt off, even in a public restroom, when pooping.
I pee sitting down at home. I'm in charge of cleaning the bathrooms and it's much easier that way. Oh yeah, and in the middle of the night when baby has woken me up, it takes too much coordination NOT to sit down!
BD - Well done! I am reminded of a book I read in art school called "Ways of Seeing" by John Berger. Its important to have perspective before addressing the problem.
I think I remember a Mgr. Mom post about this, don't I? I commented about my 36 year old freind who maintains a high-level position as Director of Sales for a major computer hardware retailer. Poops without his shirt every time...has been for the last 30 years or so.
So you see? Not only is it about freedom, its the mark of a successful businessman.
I love the blog it actually made me laugh and i really needed that some how i found you looking for stuff on my 10 month old son's birth defect esophageal atresia. but anyways very awesome and i will be back
Wow, there must be something in the - ahem - air this week!
I blogged about poop too!
http://pelz-sherman.net/blog/?p=115
Mr. Lady, Chag, I want to thank you for your sound advice.
You have saved me thousands of dollars in therapy bills for my son.
Although the mental image of Chag doing his field research may cause me to need a little psychological tune-up of my own.
Now, if you can just help me do something about his fear of ducks. Yes, I do mean the birds.
My 33 year old husband only poops at home, always naked and refuses to pee in a urinal or in the company of others, opting for sitting in a stall. He is (surprisingly) masculine despite these tendencies and totally well adjusted.
Don't worry about your kid, he's just doing what feels right for him.
Same issue being faced in our household as well. Four-year-old likes to do the George Costanza thing, but then can't figure out how to re-dress after finishing up.
But you're right - he'll get with it eventually. Or end up cleaning windshields.
Mr. Lady has us all beat though: having to sit there and cover her daughter's eyes? I bow to this level of parenting dedication.
Yeah, I have four-year old triplets who think if they have Dad or Mom wipe their butts, then they don't have to wash their hands! (they just remind us that we have to wash ours) I'm just pleased that my diaper stage is done forever!
I'm still trying to figure out why Mr. Lady's daughter needs her eyes cover while eliminating...
damn it bobby! i like this one too! and the blog roll just keeps rolling along...
i don't have anything else to add to the subject other than, i'm glad the g-kid doesnt was to get completely naked! wayyyy too much work. oh, and he loves to spray the glade fruit explosion - he says, "mmmmm mells dood, dat's my favorite" :)
Daisy, if I knew, I'd stop it. OH MY GOD It's awful. And Nonna, sorry dude. Tell your husband I'm sorry, too. :)
omg. how did I not know this site existed. rectal cranial inversion is not my friend.
Before reaching for the Glade and making Al Gore cry, consider arming the boy with Poo-Pourri. Here's a description from the Web site (poopourri.net): "Unlike most air fresheners that try to mask odor, Patent Pending Poo~Pourri is designed to be sprayed directly onto the toilet bowl water before you go! The all natural essential oil secret formula creates a barrier to embarrassing bathroom odors!" I'm not a shill -- I just read about this in Bust magazine and thought it is a pretty cool product if it actually works.
I poop naked and have done so since I was young. I don't know why, but it's extremely uncomfortable to sit on the toilet with clothes on or touching me. Socks come off as well.
Gotta love a poop blog. I Googled it and there it was!