Michael asks:

My wife and I disagree on a number of things, but this one has given rise to a lot of not fun arguments lately. My 8 yr old daughter and 10 yr old son still like to take baths together. Neither of them has officially hit puberty yet and I've observed nothing but innocent behavior going on when this has happened in the past, but it totally freaks out the wife. I'm inclined to let them as long as I don't catch them doing anything R-rated in there. It saves water and time, and they have a blast playing around in there. What do you guys think?

BusyDad:

Michael, I only have one kid, so I think Mr Lady can give you a better answer for this, being that she has kids that match your general configuration. However, my sister is three years younger than I am, and when we were kids, we also bathed together. Nothing traumatic ever occured as a result and I think it actually made anatomical differences between boys and girls a lot more matter-of-fact for me. I am a strong believer in making most things matter-of-fact. If you can get a child to react with a "yeah, so?" to something that might get them in trouble later in life (like drinking), you've earned yourself a little victory.

From what you're saying, it seems as if your son and daughter are totally in that "yeah, so?" stage about their respective parts. Great. Did good. But at 8 and 10, I think you do run the risk of it turning out a little weird. Maybe not now, but very soon, or at least in their memories later in life. 10 is what, 5th grade? Yeah, I pretty much knew firsthand how my parts worked and what they were compatible with by 4th grade. I'm not saying that anything "R-rated" would happen (luckily the natural repulsion between siblings is one of the strongest instincts we're born with), but it might come back to mess with their heads later in life.

But more important than anything I menioned above? The fact that your wife is weirded out by it. My general rule is that if one of you is really against something, for whatever reason, the other should back down. Being against something trumps being for something in my book. Being forced to bear something you really don't want is way worse than being deprived of something you really want. This is why you have those not fun arguments all the time. Your wife's aversion to it won't let her simply drop it. Look at it this way, letting them bathe together probably makes your wife's stomach turn. Not letting them bathe together makes you have to waste a little more water and effort. Which one's worse? My advice? Listen to your wife.

Mr Lady:

Michael.  Dear Michael.  Sit down, dude. 

My brother and I shared a room until I was 6 and he was 8.  I have no idea whether or not we bathed together, but I will tell you this, and I guaran-freaking-tee you my parents do not know this....we totally checked out each other's stuff, man  Not sexually, mind you, but he figured out one day that his thing went up and down if I tried to catch it and, well, that's enough embarrasing Mr Lady stories for one day.  I tell you that to tell you this: I didn't remember that, at all, because it was no big deal at all, until the first time I, well, you know what.  And then I remembered it.  Clear as day, dude.  And I almost can't look my brother in the eye still to this day.

Now, I am going to pretend that my brother and I were the exceptions to the rule (though I don't think we were) and offer you less horrifying advice.  The average age for the on-set of puberty now is between 9-11.  That means you have two kids right now either just beginning or just on the verge of it.   I'd be willing to bet you that your wife can see that coming.  Dads seem to catch on to that stuff later. I think it's harder for you guys to see your little ones as growing up.  Maybe it's because you're less desperate for them to get their asses to college already; I don't know.  I do know that my husband cannot see it in my boys, at all, and it's truly clear as day.

Speaking of my boys; I have 3 kids.  One is 10, one is 8 and one is two.  The 8 year old likes to hop in the tub with the 2 year old sometimes because she gets a bath in the jacuzzi tub while he's stuck with showers now.  It's fun, I get that, and I too hate to waste the water for two baths.  But, dude...I came into the bathroom one day to one kid on *this* end of the tub and the other kid very innocently on *that* end of the tub making the most of the jet time, if you know what I mean.  Not that there's anything wrong with that, per se, (the toddler couldn't have cared less what her brother was doing way over there) but it made me think that maybe for his own well-being, I should give him some alone time, you know? 

I guess my point here is that A) it's maybe not great for the Later On versions of your kids to have all that bathtime together and B) that as hard as it is to accept or even see sometimes, this puberty thing is half-way in your door right now, and this is the perfect time to each them about privacy and personal space.  In a year or so, you won't even be able to think about talking to them about it.  I'd kill the baths now, and use that as a window to talk to them about what's coming soon.

Also, to echo BD's sentiments, I find as well that anything my spouse is absolutely against is worth me being against, too, even if I kind of disagree.  It just makes life *that* much easier.

Good luck, Michael, and thanks for the fabulous question!